Our Words Matter

My View

Imagine the buses pull up to one of your schools in the morning and a disembarking 6th-grade boy informs you that a kindergarten girl kept calling him the “n-word” on the ride to school. Then imagine the little girl tells you that it’s OK to call the boy that “name” because that is what her parents say “they” are called.

Could this really be happening in 2019? More so, how is it that our children are able to use such hurtful language in context at younger and younger ages?

The admonition to “choose your words wisely” has been around for longer than any of us can appreciate. While the phrase historically has been used in situations where someone’s language may cause themselves harm, I am referring to language that can cause others harm.

You may wonder why I care what others say or why I believe this matters. The answer is simple. Increasingly, our youngest children are coming to school using language that is coarse, vulgar and lewd.

Civil Society

While adults may choose to use inappropriate language when they are in private, adult settings, we have work to do to see that certain language is never acceptable in the mainstream. Our children are growing up thinking that the use of foul words is a normal and accepted practice in our society. The blatant lack of respect that people have for each other in general conversation today is alarming.

I often am asked as the leader of the public schools in a small city in upstate New York, “Why is that our problem?” The answer is simple: We are the education system. We are tasked with building tomorrow’s future above all else, and while student mastery of subject-area content is important, developing young people to become productive members of a civil society is at least as necessary.

The spike I’ve observed in the use of inappropriate language by students as young as 5 years old needs to be addressed by all of us. During whatever time students spend in school, it is more important than ever that we use this opportunity to confront foul and abusive language whenever we hear it.

Equally as important, we ought to address the use of hurtful language by adults when we hear it. Whether they are parents, community members or even our colleagues, we need other grownups to be aware of how our words impact children and impressionable others around us. Regardless of the location or whether we know the individual, I believe we have a duty to society to take on the inappropriate language that is becoming all too common and accepted as normal.

Adult Responsibility

Beyond language use, I’m equally concerned about the lack of understanding many seem to hold about the hurt and pain that inappropriate language means to entire populations.

One solution is as easy as ensuring we adults not use such language nor allow our children to experience it being used in their electronic games and entertainment, which can be littered with obscenity, slander, sexism and racism.

The improvement can begin in our schools through a better understanding of social justice and a sensitivity to cultures that differ from our own. We could show more understanding and compassion for each other.

Our children can grow up attuned to appropriate societal behavior. Talking to a child about why his or her language is hurtful to others is an important first step. It may take repeated attempts, but we can’t give up.

Our words do matter as our children are always watching, listening and learning. So I ask you: Please choose your words wisely.

This column is adapted from the author’s blog Leading Through Listening.