Cat’s in the Cradle: My Work-Life Balance

My View

As we wrapped up the exit interview for my superintendent internship, the veteran district leader told me about a recent trip he took with his son. He choked up as he said that, despite being the best superintendent anyone could ask for, he had sacrificed significant time with his family throughout his career. I got the feeling he was sharing this information with me for a reason, warning, “Don’t let it happen to you, too.”

Not knowing how to respond, I sympathetically said, “Kind of like the Cat’s in the Cradle song, huh?”

We parted ways and, to my surprise, he not long after accepted the position of state superintendent. Perhaps he realized it was too late to make up all of that lost time with his family, I thought.

Not Today, I Got a Lot to Do

Several years into my first position as a school administrator, I realized how difficult it is to maintain a work-life balance as a school leader. From the inside, the hustle and bustle and long hours feel normal, especially because many of your colleagues are also working 60-80 hours per week. But does the fact that everyone else is doing it make it OK? Isn’t that in direct contrast to what we teach our own children and students?

From the outside, it’s easy to see that your schedule is overwhelming. My wife used to tell me I needed to slow down and completely unplug when I was home with her and our children. After going 300 miles per hour all day long, I found it difficult to be husband and father the moment I hit the door at home.

I started thinking about that exit interview from several years before. I was turning into the type of person the superintendent had warned me about — a school administrator with a lousy work-life balance. On top of that, I was no longer exercising regularly and my diet was horrible. Two things were becoming increasingly apparent: I was great at my job (I’d just been nominated for the national assistant principal of the year award), and my personal life was suffering. I started to fear that the ideal school administrator is someone who is single and childless or, worse, someone who can stomach little quality time with their family.

We’re Gonna Have a Good Time Now

After a while, I’d finally had enough. I decided I was not going to allow my job to interfere with being a good husband and father. If I had to cover the Friday night football game, my wife and children met me there and we ate hot dogs and nachos for dinner together. I learned to completely unplug at home by mentally preparing for my arrival during my drive home from work by playing music, rolling down the windows, taking the scenic route, and even including some good old prayer. I made time to work out when my family was asleep early in the morning or late at night. I forced myself to eat lunch no matter how busy I was during the school day. I learned to say “no” when asked to serve on committees or volunteer for weekend events that interfered with family time. I learned that the pile on my desk at the end of each day would still be there in the morning. I decided not to check my e-mail after I left work or on the weekends. I fully engaged with my wife and children when I was at home by leaving my cell phone in the car when we were out to eat, attending ballgames or picking pumpkins.

These changes were hard to implement at first, but they soon became routine. Furthermore, they earned me respect and admiration from my colleagues. It wasn’t until I’d made the change that I realized how out of sync my work-life balance really was. We were driving down the road the other day, singing in the car, when I looked at my wife and kids with smiles on their faces and it occurred to me all that I had been missing. And that, my friends, that’s the good stuff.

Personal Care

The other day, I had the opportunity to share some “words of wisdom” with 26 pre-service school administrators who recently completed the M.Ed./Ed.S. program in educational leadership at the University of Mississippi. I shared five items I believed would help them be successful leaders, including this: “While you are out there saving the world, don’t forget to take care of yourself … your faith, your family, your marriage, your health, etc. In order to be the best you, you need to take care of these things, and our schoolchildren need the best you each and every day.”