The Surprises of Parenting a Child With Autism

My View

I’m writing not as a superintendent but more importantly as a father of three children who attend school in my northwestern Pennsylvania district.

Let me explain.

Following college, I married my high school sweetheart, and after several years of trying to start a family, we learned that the odds of us succeeding were at best 1 percent. We explored adoption and ultimately completed the domestic adoption of our first daughter, followed four years later by the international adoption of our second daughter from Guatemala. With two adopted daughters, we thought our family was complete.

You can imagine our surprise when one day, while in a meeting, I received a call from my wife informing me she was pregnant. My response: “To whom?”

Picture Day

When our son Tony was born, everything started out as normal. He hit all the customary milestones. Over time, however, we began to observe him remove himself from the company of his peers and family. The word “autistic” was uttered more than once as we pursued reasons for Tony’s developmental setbacks. My wife and I could never have prepared for what the next several years would hold for our family and son as we determined our place in his world. I have been told if you meet one child with autism, you have met one child with autism because each autistic child is different.

The past school year saw our son start kindergarten with a full-time aide in an autistic support classroom. My wife and I worried regularly. How would Tony react on the day of his kindergarten photos? Because he is nonverbal, he might not understand the directions from the photographer. He is lacking in social skills, which makes interaction with his peers and adults difficult. He lacks patience, so waiting for anything is nearly impossible. Interrupting his routine to take his picture could cause anxiety to the point of a meltdown.

My wife and I had no idea what to expect. The day the photo packet came home was amazing. The photographer had captured a moment that had Tony smiling brightly. If you looked closely, you could see that the aides had been gently holding our son.

We certainly know how trying it can be to photograph our son. The fact this photographer and the teacher aides had taken the time to capture Tony’s image at the right moment meant the world to us. Most parents look at the school pictures of their child and think, “Yep, that’s my kid.” For us, viewing this photo showed not just our autistic son, but more importantly a photo of our son in kindergarten.

My wife and I were so moved that I knew we had to reach out to someone from Lifetouch to extend a sincere thank you. I got my chance while attending the AASA national conference in San Diego, Calif., in 2015. As I waited in the breakfast line to pick up my bagel, I noticed the man next to me was Kelvin Miller, whose conference badge identified him as a Lifetouch vice president. Once I shared my story, he told me of other letters the company had received over the years praising photographers for showing similar compassion and care for their subjects.

An Unexpected Journey

For those who want to comprehend what it feels like to parent an autistic child, I would recommend the poem “Welcome to Holland” by Emily Perl Kingsley. The poem compares having a child to preparing for a trip to Italy, but at the last second having the plan change and ending up in Holland.

Applying this to the role of the photographer, I think many school photographers try to take the perfect image of a still flower. Capturing the photo of an autistic child, however, is comparable to capturing the image of a cheetah chasing an antelope. In our case, the photographer captured the perfect image of our wonderful cheetah.